You are probably wondering what has worthiness got to do with fertility? For me, it has everything to do with it. Have you been working on improving yourself? I have and I discovered that some issues keep coming up time and again.
Issues Repeating Themselves
I know for me, the issue that came up over and over again was about worthiness. Somewhere along the path of my life (it usually happens during childhood) I made a(n unconscious) decision that I was not worthy. For those that have never dealt with the challenge of worthiness, you are possibly thinking, are you crazy? However, these types of unconscious beliefs occur at critical moments in our development. For example when you are 4 years old and a new sibling appears to take over your role as the ‘youngest child’. Somehow through this experience I took on a belief that I wasn’t worthy. Not worthy of love, not worthy of the things I desire, not worthy of many things. One pivotal moment that you then find yourself adding layer upon layer of unhelpful, negative beliefs to your psyche.
Negative Beliefs and My Fertility
I had a belief, a negative one, that I wasn’t worthy and it had a lot of legs, and arms, and tentacles all over the place. When I first began my internal exploration as to why my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be, worthiness was the first thing to pop up. And of course, it was my fertility, or lack thereof, that was driving me to understand myself and improve my health. I desperately wanted to resolve my fertility and questioned my worthiness because my ovaries had gone into shutdown. Sometimes when people work on getting healthy, they forget how important their internal health and mental state is. So through this process of disentangling my beliefs I came to understand that for me, worthiness was, and is, a key driver in the way that I view the world and live my life.
Moving Towards Owning My Worthiness
So while I am now almost 32 weeks pregnant and in the happiest relationship of my life, I know that it is possible that worthiness may continue to crop up as an issue for me. I say ‘moving towards’ owning my worthiness because it’s a work in progress. I may never, ever, be fertile in the way that some women seem to get pregnant through touching a man. However, when it comes down to it, having a child and being a mother is really what I want out of my fertility. I can live with having sleeping ovaries. I can live with having to take medication for as long as necessary. What I could not live without was having a child in my life.
Finding the Support You Need
So if you are going through something similar, maybe PCOS, or endo, or something else not being ‘quite right’ with your reproductive systems, I want you to know that you are not alone. That there is support out there for you. See a therapist, see a counsellor, heck contact me and I’ll happily support you! The sooner you identify your key issue, the sooner you can begin processing the emotions that are keeping you spinning in circles. From my experience, doing so will allow you to move beyond the tears and frustration and everything else in between. Whether you are trying naturally, using IVF or even deciding that adoption or fostering is for you. There are choices and the biggest one to start with is looking out for your emotional well-being.
